Life looks a little different these days, and I can honestly say that my heart is SO FULL. All of the fears and worries about becoming a mama of multiples have been put to rest. I thought I’d dig a little deeper into those feelings and share how life has changed now that I’m a mama of two. I hope that you find this post encouraging in whatever season of life you may be in. I’d love to hear your stories too, so please share below! If there’s anything I’ve learned over the last two years, it’s that it DOES take a village! I am convinced that the need for community and oxygen go hand in hand. We’re in this together, sweet mamas!
How can I possibly love another child like I love my first? Will Luca get enough attention? Will he love his brother? Will he act out? Will he regress with his schedule? Will my husband and I ever have time just the two of us? Will I have Postpartum Depression? How will I ever be able to take care of two babies under two when my husband travels? And the sleep…. Please Lord, let there be sleep!
Mamas, these are all valid concerns! And I realize that this season of life looks a little different for all of us, but I am here to share with you what it looks like for our family.
When I hit 38 weeks during my pregnancy with Theo, I was DONE. I had never felt this way at any point throughout my first pregnancy because Luca was born 12 days early. So, once I entered into my 38th week in my second pregnancy, I felt as though I was overdue because I had never been that pregnant before. But, the Lord quickly reminded me to count my blessings, because I know firsthand that there are hundreds, okay, THOUSANDS, of precious women who would give their left arm to be pregnant. My heart goes out to all of you mamas out there who are struggling with infertility.
By the 39th week, I was convinced that the reason I had not yet birthed Theo was due to the fact that I didn’t want to be separated from Luca (we had never been away from him overnight), in addition to the anticipation that naturally came along with nearing the end of pregnancy. I remember many nights crying out to God, asking for His provision and peace. I was beyond excited to meet my sweet new babe (who we had prayed so persistently for), but I was truly terrified that I would loose the sweet, sweet bond that I had with Luca. We did EVERYTHING together, and we loved it. I couldn’t even fathom the idea of dividing my time with another tiny human, or better yet, loving another baby as much as I loved my Luca. My heart was already filled to the brim with love. But, reality was sinking in, and it would never just be the three of us again. The thought was so bittersweet.
Then Theo came. With the first cry he mustered out, the first glance at his teeny tiny, button nose, the first touch of his warm, soft skin, I found myself in love all over again. Head over heels, butterflies in the stomach, heart racing love.
In the weeks following Theo’s birth, there was an overwhelming amount of joy and contentment, but I wouldn’t be honest if I said that there weren’t any tears. We had family staying with us, so there were many times where I would sneak up to our room, barely making it half way up the staircase and the tears were streaming down my cheeks. Tears for the lost time with Luca while we were in the hospital. Tears for the sharing of attention with the boys. Tears for not being able to lift my toddler. Tears for my unshapely postpartum body. And, tears that I needed to rest, when all I wanted to do was take care of my babies.
Thankfully, those moments became few and further apart, and the Lord covered me in peace. By week three, my hormones seemed to have balanced out (I give all thanks to God and my placenta pills), and I was no longer experiencing this sadness. I realize that I was so fortunate to only have a TASTE of postpartum blues this go around, and I am praying hard for all of you mamas out there who are struggling with postpartum depression.
Life can be pretty overwhelming and exhausting with two little babes under two. I am learning (slowly) to let go and realizing that not everything has to be perfect. If the kids go down for naps 30 minutes late, so be it. If we don’t make it to a get together, we’ll make the next one. If I have to reheat my coffee three times, it’s still caffeine. If we don’t eat dinner until after both babies are in bed, we still ate dinner that night. If clothes sit in the dryer for days on end, we may have wrinkles, but at least we have clean clothes. This mindset has made a world of difference for us. I recently read Shauna Neiquist’s newest release, Present Over Perfect (book review post coming soon), and it could not be more fitting for this season of life. In it, she writes, “Love is never found in the hustle.” I have this written on the chalkboard in our living room to be reminded of every day. It holds so much truth in my life, and is something I am working hard to put into action.
Although there are days where nothing gets done (believe me, it happens all too often), I can still go to bed with the warmest heart knowing that my babies were well loved. I LOVE being a mama of two, and I can’t imagine not having little Theo to smooch and love on every day. I could just eat him up. He is a dream come true. God is good.
Photo credit goes to my sweet friend, Amber Denae Photography (http://www.amberdenae.com/).
Theo’s Birth Story is coming soon! Stay tuned!
Love + Hugs,